I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
