I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
