Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
