There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
