I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
