At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
