I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
