Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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