The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
