Quick, to the slutcave!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
