Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone signed my nipple.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize