I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
