So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Boobs speak an international language.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
