Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
