Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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