I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
