I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize