How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
