...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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