got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
