things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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