you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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