Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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