If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
