Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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