I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
