It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
