I love black thongs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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