Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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