i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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