I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
