my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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