I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
