three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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