Plan B is the new Plan A
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
