Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Couch. On fire.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
