My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
