I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
