just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize