This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
