just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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