Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
