Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
