i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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