Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ugly people sure do ruin things
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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