I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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