do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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