Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
