yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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