help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize