despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
