Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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