he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
