Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So squirting runs in the family.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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