I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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