i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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