I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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