i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
that may or may not have been my penis.
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