We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
