she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
