I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
