i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
