There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We were destined to go to rehab together
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
