he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
