I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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