i just had sex bonerless
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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