Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
