I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
