YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
