I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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